Toy Store

Anyone who knew me as a kid would tell you I had a big imagination. I didn't need toys to have fun. Toys were just accessories. Still, I had toys. I had a lot of toys. So many in fact, that the basement of Ashland was full of them. So many in fact, that when I played with my toys, I pretended I was selling them. I can't tell you if this was Aaron's idea or mine because we always played together, but playing toy store was something that happened in Ashland and many houses to follow at least a few times a week. This wasn't just any toy store though, this was a toy store in LA. That meant we sold toys to all the famous people we loved. Lucile Ball was our favorite frequent customer. She'd call us up and ask if we had something in stock then stop in and we'd chat for a while before we handed her the teddy bear she had come all the way to our store to get. I know what you're thinking, aren't you only twenty five? Yes, I am. I just watched a lot of Nick at night. Most of the famous people who came into our store were either dead or very old by the time they came by, but in my mind they were still young. Maybe it was a time traveling toy store. I don't know. I didn't think these things out, I was only six.

Speaking of time Travel. Shortly after we moved into Ahsland mom got a new tv. This was one of those old wooden Tv counsoules that I'm sure other famalies ahd back then, or maybe it was just us. The screen wasn't very big, but it was bulky. That meant it came in the biggest box I'd ever seen in my life. I'm pretty sure it's the biggest box I will ever see in my life. That box fit all four of the older kids in it easily which meant it was the perfect time machine. We stuck it in the basement, cut a door out and drew buttons all over the inside. With that box we traveled to times we'd only heard of. Times so scary that we never actually exited the time machine. We'd just listen to the dinsaurs outside in ancient 1962, and then push some buttons and head back to 1992 where we could go eat some ramen noodles for lunch before recording our radio show in Andy's bedroom.

When I was a kid, imagination was everything. Toys just helped us along the way. My mom filled our house with every toy we could have ever wanted though. I think it was her way of making up for the lack of time she spent at home or the fact that her husband was an asshole. We didn't need that crap though. Sure it was nice to have your choice of tewenty different guns when we played spies in the front yard, and I admit, I did enjoy owning at least fifty barbies, but I'm pretty sure weather I had a whole store full of toys or not Lucy would have still stopped by several times a week.

Dear Ashland,

I can't say it was you that made my imagination so amazing. I'm pretty sure I would have played those games in whatever house my mom and Steve had chosen to buy,. Still, when I think back to the first time I played toy shop, time machine, radio show, spies, princess, wedding, or the first time my barbies ever had sex, it's you I will think of. Mom left most of those toys in your basement when we left. She even left the time machine. I hope that if you were alive and not just a house and you were a little smaller you would use that time machine to travel back to the days when your basement was filled with dinosaurs. Those were some good times we had. Sorry it only lasted a little more than a year.

love,

Robin

Ashland

I was in shock the first time I saw the house we called Ashland. It was huge! Maybe now that I am an adult it wouldn't look so big, but compared to the place I grew up in, it was a mansion. The floors were wood and very slick. So of course the first thing my new siblings and I had to do was skate across them in our socks. I think that was the first time I really started to like Aaron and Lindsey. Anyone who liked skating in their socks was okay with me.That first night we ordered pizza and played sumo wrestling in the den and life was perfect. Ashland was big and bright, and we had our whole lives ahead of us. I had two extra siblings and a step dad who would all love me forever.

We had a big dining table in Ashland. It easily seated our whole family of six with room for a couple more. We didn't eat dinner there much. Mostly these tables were used for 'family meetings'. Family meetings was Steve's nice way of saying someone is getting their ass beat. He'd sit us all down and talk about what had gone wrong, and ask us who had committed the crime or maybe why we had committed the crime. He would dismiss Lindsey because she always told, and give the rest of us a spanking.

I'm sure you are thinking this seems fair, but it wasn't. Steve spanked for everything. He would bend you over and smack the back of your bare legs with his belt. My mom didn't believe in spanking so when we told on him he would laugh and say 'I just swatted them' or something like that. Spankings weren't so bad though. What was really bad was the corner. We would have to stand in the corner for hours. I knew it was hours. I would sit there and listen to his stupid football games or he would say that I had to stand there until my mom got home from work. In cases like these I would listen to him and whatever kid wasn't in trouble eating dinner while I starved. My feet would hurt, my stomach would grumble and I would be sent to bed just in time for mom to get home. Then the next day he would tell me it was 10 minutes that I was there.

One day Steve held a family meeting about a window that had been broken by a baseball. He told us his usual line that we would all be spanked if we didn't tell. Then he added a 'starting with the youngest' in a tone that told me he thought I was responsible. I don't get why he would suspect a 5 year-old who had never owned a baseball in her life, but he did. So I confessed. 'It was me' I admitted. He didn't ask details. He didn't even ask which window it was. I didn't know which window it was. He just spanked me and let the other kids go. The next time around another kid confessed, and that is how it went for a long time. We sacrificed ourselves to save the other kids. Years later I learned it was Andy who broke the window, and it was a window in the den, but it didn't matter then. He'd taken a few blows for me too.

Ashland was a happy house though. It's where I learned to love Lindsey and Aaron. We played spies in the back yard. We played toy shop in the basement, we recorded radio shows, we played dodge ball in the streets. We did anything we could to stay out of the house, but mostly we did anything we could to help each other.

We began a tradition of holding family meetings ourselves where we would talk about what games we were going to play that day or what our parents were up to. Our family meetings were happy ones. They included the real family, the four of us. One day Lindsey called a meeting. This one wasn't a happy one. She informed us that while she was using our parent's bathroom she'd discovered something that would change our lives at Ashland forever.

"Mom is pregnant" she said.

Dear Ashland,

I suppose I should hate you for all the bad things you taught me. You taught me about pain, and evil. You taught me to be jealous of that little baby and to be meek around that large man. You taught me that not everything is what it seems and that you can't always rely on everyone. For those reasons I should hate you, but I don't.

It was those days I spent with you that made me who I am. You taught me about a lot of awful things ,but you also taught me about love. Real love, not the generic love we give away every day. You taught me about sacrificing for others. You taught me that family isn't made by birth or by a marriage certificate. Family is those who chose to love you unconditionally and who chose to sacrifice for you as well. There were a lot of tears spilled on your shiny wood floor, but there was also a lot of laughter that echoed off of your walls.

Love,

Robin 20 years later